The Most Important Decision You’ll EVER Make

We are making decisions…CONSTANTLY. Literally in each and every moment there is another decision for us to make.

Decisions come in various sizes, don’t they? Some are small and seemingly insignificant. (Although I’m beginning to believe that no decision is really all that insignificant). While other decisions are big and sometimes perplexing or elicit a sense of overwhelm.

Regardless of the type, decisions are what we are making at every turn. In fact, deciding not to make a decision is in itself a decision. You can’t get away from it. Decisions abound. So, how do we make decisions? What determines how we decide to do what we do, or how do we decide what we won’t do?

In my experience the most powerful factor in making any decision is how I FEEL. And I’m not the only one who believes this to be true. It’s a well known fact that we make decisions based on emotions and feelings. That’s why marketers are always pulling on our emotional centers in commercials and ads…because they KNOW this is why you and I decide to buy anything.

Gaining mastery of your mind, emotions and feelings means you break free from this process of decision-making that lies beneath our conscious awareness.

In fact, the most important choice I’ve ever made happened once I decided that I cared about how I felt. I chose to feel good. That choice, the choice to care about how I feel and making the commitment to consciously make decision in a way that have me feel authentically and genuinely good has radically changed my life.

Let me share an example of what I mean. You see I was like most of us, unaware of how I was perpetually recreating the same situations for myself. I’ll use my relationship with my former boyfriend who is my now husband as a way to illustrate this (I hope you don’t mind, Todd). We were in perpetual conflict the first couple years of our relationship, stemming largely from my sense that he didn’t really love me.

There was ample evidence for me to support this notion. For one, he was continually putting his friends before me. This would throw me into a bit of a frenzy. I can see this so clearly now, how I was reacting and not responding. I was feeling ‘less than’ and ‘not good enough’ and ‘not lovable’. The fact that his friends always came first triggered all of my inadequacies. And it was the first time I had ever experienced this particular phenomenon. All of my previous boyfriends were quick to be by my side. In fact, it was I who was traditionally putting my friends before my mate. This had me turned all upside down.

It became clear that this man wasn’t going to change to make me happy. Whoa—breaking news flash—you’re going to have to make yourself happy, baby! I realize now that this was, and continues to be, the most important choice I could and would ever make. Deciding that my feeling good was all that mattered.

In fact, it’s this commitment to genuinely wanting to feel good that prompts me to do the things that I wouldn’t otherwise do for myself.

The gift of Todd not budging to make me happy was the greatest gift he could have given me. It forced me to look within and bravely ask myself, “what is it that you really want?” “What is it that you need to say or do to be truly happy?” From here came all kinds of insights. I knew part of my conflict with Todd was that I loved him and I wasn’t sure if he loved me…I wasn't sure if he ever would or if he could love me the way I wanted to be loved. There was only one way to really find out. That would be to talk with him about my FEELINGS.

WHAT?!? That sounded awful. It made me feel sick to my stomach just to imagine what that would be like. Much less do it! There was no way I could be THAT vulnerable.

“Nope. Not doing it.” I said to myself. Then another thought filtered through. “Wait, Tami. You decided that NOTHING matters more than that you feel good. So you HAVE to say something because if you don’t then you will just keep feeling awful. You will just keep doing the push and pull game you’ve been doing with Todd and it’s really just perpetually hurting both of you. You are going to have to say something, baby girl.”

Damn. I knew what I had to do.

I got vulnerable. I got real. I was scared…but I said it. I told him my insecurities and my fears. I told him how I had a deep-seated fear that I would never be loved and never be truly worthy of love. I shared how I didn’t even know if I knew how to love myself. And in that moment I knew that this was the most loving act I had ever done for myself.

When we speak our deepest truths and air our darkest fears then we are liberating a part of ourselves that keeps us tightly bound. Freedom and love emerge as these bindings are released. And it almost didn’t matter what Todd said back to me. Because I was discovering what self-love looked and felt like. It begins with the courage to speak when we need to, even when a part of ourselves is begging us to stay quiet and small. It means being bold when a part of you is asking to stay hidden. Above all it means caring more about how you can make yourself feel good above all else.

You see ignoring it or staying quiet may have received my anxiety for a moment. But the fear and doubt and worry would’ve stayed there and festered. I’m so grateful to myself for having made that decision, the decision to finally care how I feel. And for making the decision to act in a way that ensures I keep feeling as good as I possibly can.

In fact, all of the great things in my life have come from a decision to feel good. Overcoming my fears and doubts isn’t about conquering and blasting through life by ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. Rather it is about connecting to the deeper desire that lives beneath the doubts and fears. It’s about having the courage to feel them and speak or take action in a way that honors me and this one precious life of mine.

This critical decision, to care about how I feel and deciding that I will do whatever I need to do feel genuinely good has led me to launch into creating and teaching courses, starting a business, writing writing books, growing a family (something I NEVER thought I would do—in fact, people who knew me before 2012 still can’t believe I have one 😂). It’s led me to radically improve every relationship I have in my life—especially the one I have with myself.

I encourage you to be your own best friend. To decide now that the most important decision you’ll ever make is deciding to be happy and committing yourself to doing whatever you need to do to genuinely and authentically feel good. It means showing up, living courageously, bravely sharing your truth and in the end it means setting yourself free to live a life you absolutely love. You deserve that much and more!

ALL the Love,

Dr. Tami